and below all the distractions past the layers of neutrality you're just "fine" you're all alone again and you always will be you lived but you never really "lived" and felt alive before you know it it's all over again and again loop after loop you can't break free retreat and shell or stride and slide for it's not worth it you say it's fine the way it is but you don't know if you believe it sometimes you seem to break briefly but it feels like just a performance a useless exercise toward things you don't fully understand it's indescribable, indispensable how can you even tell true emotion apart do you even know what's real the real you time's almost up it falls back for a bit when you're having "fun" mindless fun going nowhere but still fun it's still at the back of your mind and "it" doesn't go away either soon to return in fleeting clarity and everyone else climbs along without you but it wouldn't matter much if you joined them you haven't even said a little of what you think you think it doesn't matter you don't even know yourself even your dreams are hazy ideals they won't understand maybe the surface but they still think they do they truly don't because they're not you

sometimes you want to fuck around (yeah right, like anyone else does) sometimes you want to gaze at stars (like anyone else cares) sometimes you just want to sleep and dream (you rarely even remember it) sometimes you want to plan and light up (you rarely stay the flames) sometimes you think to screw it all (stress builds, not fades) it's all the same problem everyone's "there" but nobody's there

blink, away, it's time I say to break the day it's not my way to fly a lie is what you vie it's not much to say hey, hi what can you do it piles up it's much to tie oh, more to decide to do or die it's quaint to try say, is that a lemon lime what does that even mean what a pain, this guy oh what's that the day is done how fun